Requiem

It has been a little over six months since we lost Sweet Simba.  I still cry at the drop of a hat when I think of her.  Maybe it's because I never had time to truly grieve.  The last half of 2012 was not a happy time.  We lost Simba June 26, and a few days later I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Thankfully, it was stage 0 and completely curable, but it was still scary and necessitated a lot of expensive, time-sucking and emotionally-and-physically-charged treatments, to be followed by 5 years of Tamoxifen. Then, in October, Pete lost his job.  It was a new low for our household.  In dealing with all of the other "stuff" life threw at us, I never had the time or emotional stamina to grieve properly.

Or, perhaps it was the manner of her passing.  She suffered through most of the night and part of the morning before we were able to get a vet to the house to ease her suffering and to help her cross.

Either way, I find myself feet firmly planted in the beginning of a new year with hopes that it will be a much brighter one, yet am still unable to shake the stranglehold grief seems to have on my heart.

We have a new golden now.  While he will never take the place of Simba, he at least brings that joy that knows no bounds that seems to be such a big part of the golden retriever heart.  I see pieces of Simba in him, as well as qualities of her predecessor, Trapper.  Yet he is unique, as were Simba and Trapper.  His name is Grayson, and he is fast becoming as big a part of my life as were Simba, Trapper and Dickens (another dear departed buddy of times past) and of course Belle, who is still here to bring us joy. It is my opinion that one can never replace one dog with another - they are all unique unto themselves, but you can fill some of the void they leave behind.  Grayson is beginning to do just that.  And I don't know what I would have done without my precious Belle.  She kept me sane and made me laugh in the midst of my grief, a loving reminder that life goes on and there are others out there who not only need our love, but are ready to give it unconditinally.

I think it is going to be a while before I can completely replace the tears with smiles when I think of my Sweet Simba-Miss Snoogers-Boogie Girl, but I am grateful for the wonderful memories she has left me with and for all the love she gave when she was here on this earth with me.  Simba, even though I still cry, you have always made my heart smile, and always will.

Love,
Your Mommy